Looking back at my ATDT post from August 2010...

The first thing I did on return from holiday last summer was to put a post up on the Around the Dinner Table Forum for HELP!! Here's a potted version...

Yesterday's post is an example of how far we've come...

Horrible though it was to recall, it's amazing how far we've come since that summer holiday in France. For example that hellish tension - I remember being on Red Alert virtually ALL the time in those days, primed for whatever Ed the Anorexia Demon would throw at me next. Anorexia behaviour is often referred to as "unpredictable behaviour", but it's actually highly predictable in that you can PREDICT it will happen one way or the other, sometimes several times a day. My nerves were red raw and I'd wake up every morning dreading what that day would bring and long for Ben's Dad to come home at weekends to take the strain off me a bit (in those days he worked away during the week, so I had to deal with everything alone).

To book a holiday or not to book a holiday...

After last year I'm in two minds as to whether or not we should book a holiday. So far we haven't booked anything and I'm tempted to leave it until nearer the time to see what happens... Before, we always used to book well in advance to be sure of getting the pick of (reasonably cheap but luxurious) French villas in nice locations, so last year we'd booked well before we noticed that anorexia had muscled its way into our lives.

Harriet Brown's experience as a parent of an anorexic teenager is well worth a read

Harriet Brown is the author of "Brave Girl Eating" and an article on the Telegraph's website today gives you a summary of her experience. (Her book is about to be launched in the UK.) Well worth a read.

We seem to have reached a (temporary?) plateau...

After 4 months of forging forward, Ben has reached a plateau and seems to be neither going forwards nor (thankfully) backwards in his fight to recover from anorexia. He is still gradually putting on weight but he's reached the stage where he thinks his current weight is OK and he can't see any reason why he needs to put on any more. This, despite the psychiatrist telling him yesterday that he has another 5kg to go before he reaches the minimum healthy weight for his height.

Calorie crisis - is this another turning point, I wonder..?

Not everyone advocates calorie counting as a means for the anorexia sufferer to weight gain. But, for Ben, calorie counting was the only way to get him to eat enough food - especially as he prepares his own breakfasts and lunches. However calorie counting definitely plays into the anorexia's hands in that it's a very 'controlling' thing and puts the person in a completely artificial environment. So yesterday Ben announced out of the blue that he'd had enough of counting calories.

What about your teenager's friends? What should they do?

My very dear friends and fellow Around The Dinner Table forum members, C and M, have produced a fabulous little video about how to explain the eating disorder to the sufferer's friends and suggesting ways they can provide helpful support. You can see it on YouTube by clicking this link.

What I especially like about this video clip is that it features two teenage boys discussing 'Mike', a friend who's developed an eating disorder, rather than the familiar angle of talking about anorexia as a girls' illness.

Update following weigh-in on Friday...

As you may have gathered, last week was a tricky week following the 1.9kg weight gain the week before. Ben had found it difficult to come to terms with this and it sparked off all manner of anxiety-related issues throughout the week. However the Good News was that, despite this, he continued to cooperate and eat in the way he should. He admits the 'anorexia voice' was telling him to cut back most of the time, but he refused to listen to it, insisting on ploughing on. I am so proud of him...

What should you do if your son is behaving like Ben was at the start?

The thing is, as I said below, you don't expect boys to get anorexia or other eating disorders. So, as a parent, you might notice that something isn't 'quite right' but aren't sure whether you should seek professional help. Also, there's a misconception that, to be suffering from anorexia, you have to be stick thin. Obviously, during the early period, they might still be within a 'healthy weight range'. So if you visit your GP with your teenager in tow, you might not be taken seriously if their BMI is within a 'safe' range.

Thinking back to when we first noticed something wasn't right...

I've been trying to pin-point exactly when it was that we realised something wasn't quite right with Ben. It was during the summer of 2009. We'd been in France and he'd been swimming up and down the pool every day (usually 100 short lengths) and also jogging past the vines and back. Swimming wasn't new, nor was jogging, but doing them both in the searing heat was...

A whole day away from Mama's Eagle Eye...

Today Ben went on a school politics trip to London to visit Parliament and trying to put together a 'suggested menu' for him entirely comprising Starbucks and Marks & Spencers Food was far from easy, especially as, for the first bit (Starbucks) and last bit (M&S in London), Ben will be in charge of buying his own food...

What if anorexia hadn't stolen 20 months from his life...?

I went through a lengthy phase last year where I could scarcely bear to look at other teenagers, especially those that looked ultra fit, happy and healthy. The stark contrast between them and my son was strongest when he used to slouch across the school car park at the end of the day looking emaciated, gaunt, tired and miserable, with dark rings round his eyes and his clothes hanging off him. Suddenly it seemed as if everyone else was leaping and bounding across the car park, blossoming with health and full of the joys of spring. And I'd think back to the days when I would almost weep with pride at my handsome, muscular, healthy-looking son and the way girls would blush when they looked at him.

The battle for Cake Mountain. Who won?

Okay, so General Anorexia took our side by surprise on Friday afternoon by dropping a 1.9kg bombshell on us which sent everyone running for cover. However, on closer examination (and after sending in our undercover spies to keep tabs on what's happening in the kitchen and at the dining table), things aren't as serious as we first thought. Yes, there is some damage which will take a little time to repair and, yes, it has thrown us off course a bit, but it's nothing that we can't solve. Hopefully...

I think I hear demonic laughter...

Ed, the anorexia demon, is falling about on his back laughing till he cries. "Brilliant!" I imagine him chortling, "All I had to do at the end of a week where Ben seriously challenged himself almost every day IN ADDITION TO eating an extra 100 calories a day AND munching his way through fish'n'chips on Saturday... All I had to do to mess it all up was to make sure Ben put on a tonne of weight by the end of the week. Bingo! Chortle, chortle, chortle..." etc...

We're still beating the anorexia...

Thankfully, Monday's mood was a 'one off' and Ben did eat all his calories without issue, including the extra 100 per day he needs to consume now. Yesterday he was back to his normal recovering self. Ditto today (except for the insomnia which was improving slightly after his psychiatrist prescribed some Melatonin tablets, but which came back with a vengeance last night). So it will be interesting to see what his weight does on Friday when we go to our weekly CAMHS session...

Yesterday I asked him if he'd been finding it hard to eat the extra 100 calories. "No," he said, "because it's not like in the days when I'd do anything NOT to put on weight; now I know I need to and I don't mind. I don't actually like where I am now, physically, and want to put some of the weight back on."

The road gets rocky

Mood-wise, today is 'one of those days' as Ben miserably slouches around the house as the 'anorexia demon' tries to muscle its way back in. I can always tell because some of the old, familiar comments return like: "I feel as if I'm just living to eat, existing from one meal to the next" and "I feel useless" and so on. All afternoon I've felt my own old anxiety levels rising, yet trying to appear calm, positive and in control. At least he's responding when I give him a cuddle; often in the past he'd just stand cold and emotionless, arms by his side. He also wants to "help me cook tea" which, in the old days, meant "checking and freaking out at the fat content going into the meal", so I'll be keeping a very watchful eye. And I need to query the list he's made of the food he's consumed today because I'm not entirely convinced the calories add up... (Yesterday they did, by the way.)

100 extra calories a day on the eating plan...

This week we are trialling 100 additional calories every day to see if Ben will put back the weight he lost last week, and also to gauge the optimum intake he needs for the recommended 0.5kg a week weight gain. I believed the previous level was too low and was eventually proved right. So how will he adjust to having to eat more?

We shall see, but I'm monitoring his intake discreetly but diligently. For example today I found he'd omitted to include the extra 100. I am hoping it was just an error and not deliberate...

Anorexia - What a difference 6 months makes...

Get this...

In September we went out for a meal and our 16 year old son refused to eat a single morsel. Instead he just sat there, in floods of noisy tears, while we miserably ate our meals. It was a busy and very popular country inn and everyone was staring. After all, it's not often you see a 16 year old boy in tears in public! Also the worried waitress kept coming over to see if the food was OK and ask what was wrong - of course she'd never be able to understand why our son was in tears, refusing to eat what was, to all intents and purposes, a perfectly delicious meal...

Surprise weight loss!

Yesterday we had our weekly CAMHS weigh-in session and everyone was stunned to find Ben had LOST over a kilo in the past 7 days. So the decision was made to add an extra 100 calories a day to his intake with immediate effect. In the past, such a decision would have freaked him out big-style, but yesterday he accepted the need for extra nutrition without batting an eyelid - together with the psychiatrist's explanation that it could be due to his metabolism speeding up now his body is successfully healing itself from within.

Anorexia echoes? Only kidding!

Phewee.... Ben decides to do some baking in the kitchen downstairs. Then I hear banging, crashing and what sounds like shouting... then a repeat... My heart stops and I go into 'Red Alert'. I recognise those sounds. Something must have gone wrong with the baking and Ben is having an 'Ed rage'... Oh no, I thought we'd seen the last of these rages! So I brace myself and go downstairs, taking a deep breath before walking into the kitchen (armed with clean laundry so he'd think I was entering by coincidence...) LOL, there he is, bashing the baking dough to knead it, big smile on face while 'singing' along to Wizard's 1970s hit "See my Baby Jive" at the top of his voice.

Ed was well and truly absent.